Is it ok for you to be married and have a “crush”…cuz I got 5 of em’?!

I remember my grandmother telling me how my granddad would get an attitude when Lou Rawls music would come on the radio, because he thought my grandmother had a ‘crush’ on him. And , fast forward some years later I can relate to my granny, because I
I have 5 people I “crush” on and so does my husband! Yep- I said it!

For me its Neyo, Dhani Jones, T.I., President Obama and Micheal Jackson (RIP). And I can tell you exactly why I like them too-

1) Neyo (singer) -Excellent musician and his overall demeanor just reminds me of my husband- so that a yes to the gentleman!

2) Dhani Jones (host of travel show) – obviously he loves to travel and he
Is big on finding out about other cultures- oh and did I mention he’s nice eyecandy, yep!

3)T.I. (rapper) – if ladies would be real, we like a lil roughness around the edges – not a thug, but someone who has the perfect mix of swagger, hood knowledge and book sense and can switch them on and off, in different situations- that’s how I view T.I.

4)President Obama- (our commander in chief) well I think it goes with out saying, the man has a brilliant mind. He’s able to be cool under pressure and yet still command respect. That’s whats up!

5)Micheal Jackson – yes, even though my “first boyfriend” lol has passed on – he’ll always be in my heart. When I think about MJ of the old- my 10 year old eyes saw a sensitive, shy, sweet guy who would walk you home and carry your books. What that resulted in was sense of innocence, and just an overall good feeling – I like this guy and he made me blush!

My husbands 5 are: Alicia Keyes, Kerry Washington, Nia Long, Heidi Klum and N’Dambi and I know exactly why he likes them too :-)

The other day I was joking with a friend about my husbands “girlfriend” the singer, Alicia Keyes and she reacted quite negatively. She was really shocked that I even made the comment that I was ok with him finding someone else was attractive, especially since w’ere practically newlyweds. And this is a Sista in Christ so of course, I had to be careful in how I responded.

So, it got to me thinking about how our lives change, or don’t change once we get married.

Well – I personally, think its perfectly natural to find someone else attractive ( physically or otherwise) when your married. You don’t all of a sudden get blinders where all you can see is your partner. In fact, if your not prayed up and focused on Christ – temptation can become even stronger , because you are out the game and you have vowed to be with this one person, FOREVER! Yes for-evea, evea , fore-vea, eva ( as in Outkast , Ms Jackson!).

So you have made that commitment to forsake all others. And since, the adversary is not pleased , he will through things your way ( especially people from your past , or even your present) and try to tempt you in straying outside your marriage. Another reason, is because you live, eat, sleep and share your life with this person – their flaws will become more visible. Those little annoying things, socks left in the middle of the floor or their snoring problem becomes more apparent and if your not careful resentment can grow, and you’ll begin to obsess about something that really is small in the grand scheme of things.

I think crushes can be and are dangerous, if your not careful. Daydreaming about a co-worker, or “liking” the guy who works at the gym can be playing with fire. What may seem as harmless “crush” - can turn into you comparing your partner to someone else, going to “see how they are” or calling on the phone when you are upset with your spouse “just to talk” WILL lead to a connection that you should never have with someone outside your relationship.

So Quiana, how in the world are you justfying your 5 crushes, you ask, right? I also think ironically, that crushes can be used for good – if done in the right way. Well, the first argument is the weaker of the two but Ill start with that one first. Notice the people, I mentioned are celebrities, un-attianable folk who I will most likely never meet or have any realtionship with –eva! . Now of course, that argument is one that’s kinda lame and somebody can of course poke holes in it. But I thought I’d use it- because it is a valid one ! Lol. But really, I tell you this seriously, I realized that the things that I find attractive in those celebrities, are things I also find HUGELY attractive in my hubby. I can appreciate Neyo’s musical gift, because my husband is a musician. I can respect Dhani’s curiousity of the world – because my husband and I are both lovers of travel and of culture outside of the US. My husband often makes me feel feel like I did when I saw Micheal Jackson on tv as child- all blushy and I often say to myself” I really like this guy” (lol) and so on!

In other words, I thankfully know enough to understand the differnce between surface & substance : a crush which is a fleeting emotion, and love which includes emotion but is ALWAYS an action! I find single traits of these people attractive, but I find the ENTIRE spirit/being/package including those attributes and more – are embodied in my husband! He is the ONLY one who I TRULY love, desire and respect.

So if maybe we could look at crushes from a slightly different perspective: maybe these "crushes" could ingnite some change for the create better, making happier and more successful marriages . Could you imagine how many marriages would improve if, people would actually want to know what your spouse finds attractive (physical and otherwise) and begin to want to meet those needs and desires of each other! I believe that state of mind, pleases God when it comes to marriage. So maybe “crushes” aren’t inherently evil ? What do you think?