Thursday, April 23, 2009

Why Long Term Partners Split After Getting Hitched

I dont usually repost other blog content but I absoultely had to once i read this post I had to!

Ariel from made a very keen observation: often times, longtime partners who are together for years decide to get married, and then almost immediately decide to get divorced. And the million dollar question is why?:
Her theory, in her own words…

For better or for worse, each of us has expectations about what being married will mean to the relationship. For some people, that expectation might be, "Absolutely nothing will change, other than that we'll be wearing rings and will have had a big party." For other people, the expectation might be, "Everything will change. Our whole relationship will be on a different level, and how we interact with the world will be radically shifted!"

Neither of these assumptions is in any way wrong. The problem, however, is when the two people getting married don't talk about their expectations. One partner goes in thinking, say, "This is going to be awesome: once we're married, the sex is going to get way kinkier because the trust is going to be so much stronger between us!" The other partner goes in thinking, "This is awesome: I'm never going to have to travel alone again. We'll go places together!"

The issues arise when they don't talk these things over, and then go home after the wedding and the one partner is thinking, "Wow, the honeymoon was dull. Where's my kinky sex?" And the other partner is thinking, "Wait, did they just say they don't want to go to San Francisco with me next weekend? I thought we were doing everything together now!"

…See the problem?

Obviously, if it were all this simple, the solution would be easy: talk to your partner about your expectations for marriage! And that's a great first step.

But duh: half the time, a lot of us aren't even conscious of what our expectations are. This is hard stuff to quantify and articulate. "Um, when we're married, I want you to stick up for me when your friends make fun of what a geek I am…not like, all the time, but at least most of the time. And I don't want to be the only one to take out the garbage. And I want you to plan at least one special night for us a week. Well, ok, maybe one a month?" It's hard to put your finger on what marriage means to you.

Chances are decent that your own values about marriage are either a reflection of OR reaction against what you grew up with.Not to get all Freudian on you, but this is where talking about your parents' marriages/relationships can come in handy. After all, these are the relationships that you grew up around, and chances are decent that your own values about marriage are either a reflection of OR reaction against what you grew up with. Talking about other people's marriages can help you better get your brain around your own values.

Is being married all about spending all your time together? Is it about supporting each other in your separate endeavors without insecurity? Is it about more kinky sex or more gentle couch snuggles after work? Is it about building a home together or is it about traveling the world together? Is it about feeling so confident in your commitment that you feel ok about going to grad school on opposite coasts?

In marriage as in wedding planning, you can't doze off at the wheel, or you wake up and realize you're living someone else's life.

For offbeat couples, I think the most common troublesome expectations are issues of "normative" roles. These could be assumptions about gender roles ("Now she'll cook, and I'll work overtime!") or home/family planning ("Now we'll get a little house and he'll get me pregnant!"). All too often, these aren't even expectations we're aware of … wildly progressive het couples fall into the long-established husband/wife roles without even realizing what they're doing. In marriage as in wedding planning, you can't doze off at the wheel, or you may wake up and realize you're living someone else's life.

I have no idea what marriage means to you and your partner, but when I see couples who've spent years living happily together as partners suddenly fall apart as spouses, I usually figure they had very different expectations about what marriage would mean to their relationship. And either they didn't talk about it, or they couldn't articulate what the differences were.

Moral of the story? Talk lots. If you discover lots of differences, consider pre-marital counseling. Do your best to understand both your own values and your partner's values.

Ideally, they'll just magically overlap.

Realistically? HA! There are compromises to be made.

I couldnt agree with her more! What do you think?

The wedding rings explained

Have you ever wondered why the wedding ring is worn on the left hand and the fourth finger? I never thought about until I was talking with a lady from Colombia who wears her wedding band on her right hand. I learned that many countries in fact wear their rings on the right hand: Colombia, Germany, Greece, Mexico, Norway, Peru, Poland, Russia, Spain, Ukraine, Venezuela and Serbia- all righties!

So I of course thought this was fascinating and i did a little research myself and found that one of the explanations to why the ring goes on this finger is because it was considered to be the finger containing the vena amoris or "vein of love".

I then came across this funny explanation ( which may be true or not) but i like it even better!

Thumb represents your Parents

Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings

Middle finger represents your-Self

Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
Last (Little) finger represents your Children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers
And hold them together - back to back

Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the
Thumb - tip to tip

Keep them firmly in place
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)...,
They will open, because your parents are not destined to live with
You lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers
(representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers
And sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their
Own separate lives.

Now rejoin the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (they
Represent your children)...., they will open too, because the children
Also will get married and settle down on their own some day.

Finally, rejoin your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring
Fingers (representing your spouse).

You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT..., that's because
Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through
Thick and thin!!

Friday, April 10, 2009

Interview with Chocolate B & B Bride - Mrs .Brown

I found out about this happy couple through their very sweet cousin Ms. KBlue. She contacted me to create a jumping broom especially for her "favorite cousins". :-)

Here'e some pictures from their gorgeous green chic wedding !!

Bride & Groom Names:
Kandyce & Michael Brown

Location & date of wedding:
Chicago, Illinois October 18, 2008

Describe your WedStyle :
Classic elegance (simplicity and nothing too overdone)

My favorite moment:
Walking down the aisle

Wedding advice to Brides 2 Be:
It sound cliche but: DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!! Enjoy your day because it's going to be over in a flash : )

The best part of being married:
Our love and respect for one another has grown even stronger and we won't let anything or anyone come between us!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

my latest creation

I am a busy's my latest samples for a bride to be... I call it purple passion! I love the richness of the purple its so regal! What do you think?