Over a simple pizza dinner ...

my husband I, had great conversation with a friend about marriage last night. He said something that was really simple, and yet really profound- marriage should be like your relationship with God, its a DAILY walk. Something you actively chose/do/think/become everyday for the rest of your life. I love it! :-)

love advice from Maegan...

If you like reading about fashion from a real-life perspective, You'll love the love Maegan blog! She really has a great sense of style, rocking everything from vintage to creating her own diy fashions ( which are phenomenal). But anyway, this week she is celebrating her 4th year of marriage and she shared some real life tips on staying in finding and staying in love!

Her tips sound so real , and you know thats the only way I come- which is why I had to share a couple with them with you:

* Don't marry someone who you'll love "if" ...accept them for who they are now, not who you think they will become {chances are they won't change and neither will you}.

* You're together because he treats you wonderfully and vice versa, not because of the way he looks or what his job title is, those are secondary. Most importantly, does he treat you the way you want to be treated. Period. No question mark.

* Accept your similarities AND your differences. Having different interests is important. And so is coming together uniting and enjoying the same activity.

To read more tips on love and fabu fashion tips click here:
http://www.lovemaegan.com/2010/09/four-years-married-still-happy-heres.html

Married Folks Can Dance!

If you all haven't already seen this video, you're going to love it! - Trinity United Church of Christ here in Chicago, has a marriage ministry that is doing something special with their couples- Isn't it refreshing to see Black married couples dancing together in church! It really is a sweet idea :-) Go head Trinity!

How I could I forget to to tell you?!

...I just celebrated year #3 with Mr. B!! I love that man :-)

Encouragement for the Ear & Mind!

Renewal of the mind & spirit is essential to a long lasting marriage! I pray that if there is any of you who are or have faced some difficult obstacles in your marriage -that you will be renewed by this oldie (but goodie) song from MJ! Be blessed everybody!

Is it ok for you to be married and have a “crush”…cuz I got 5 of em’?!

I remember my grandmother telling me how my granddad would get an attitude when Lou Rawls music would come on the radio, because he thought my grandmother had a ‘crush’ on him. And , fast forward some years later I can relate to my granny, because I
I have 5 people I “crush” on and so does my husband! Yep- I said it!

For me its Neyo, Dhani Jones, T.I., President Obama and Micheal Jackson (RIP). And I can tell you exactly why I like them too-

1) Neyo (singer) -Excellent musician and his overall demeanor just reminds me of my husband- so that a yes to the gentleman!

2) Dhani Jones (host of travel show) – obviously he loves to travel and he
Is big on finding out about other cultures- oh and did I mention he’s nice eyecandy, yep!

3)T.I. (rapper) – if ladies would be real, we like a lil roughness around the edges – not a thug, but someone who has the perfect mix of swagger, hood knowledge and book sense and can switch them on and off, in different situations- that’s how I view T.I.

4)President Obama- (our commander in chief) well I think it goes with out saying, the man has a brilliant mind. He’s able to be cool under pressure and yet still command respect. That’s whats up!

5)Micheal Jackson – yes, even though my “first boyfriend” lol has passed on – he’ll always be in my heart. When I think about MJ of the old- my 10 year old eyes saw a sensitive, shy, sweet guy who would walk you home and carry your books. What that resulted in was sense of innocence, and just an overall good feeling – I like this guy and he made me blush!

My husbands 5 are: Alicia Keyes, Kerry Washington, Nia Long, Heidi Klum and N’Dambi and I know exactly why he likes them too :-)

The other day I was joking with a friend about my husbands “girlfriend” the singer, Alicia Keyes and she reacted quite negatively. She was really shocked that I even made the comment that I was ok with him finding someone else was attractive, especially since w’ere practically newlyweds. And this is a Sista in Christ so of course, I had to be careful in how I responded.

So, it got to me thinking about how our lives change, or don’t change once we get married.

Well – I personally, think its perfectly natural to find someone else attractive ( physically or otherwise) when your married. You don’t all of a sudden get blinders where all you can see is your partner. In fact, if your not prayed up and focused on Christ – temptation can become even stronger , because you are out the game and you have vowed to be with this one person, FOREVER! Yes for-evea, evea , fore-vea, eva ( as in Outkast , Ms Jackson!).

So you have made that commitment to forsake all others. And since, the adversary is not pleased , he will through things your way ( especially people from your past , or even your present) and try to tempt you in straying outside your marriage. Another reason, is because you live, eat, sleep and share your life with this person – their flaws will become more visible. Those little annoying things, socks left in the middle of the floor or their snoring problem becomes more apparent and if your not careful resentment can grow, and you’ll begin to obsess about something that really is small in the grand scheme of things.

I think crushes can be and are dangerous, if your not careful. Daydreaming about a co-worker, or “liking” the guy who works at the gym can be playing with fire. What may seem as harmless “crush” - can turn into you comparing your partner to someone else, going to “see how they are” or calling on the phone when you are upset with your spouse “just to talk” WILL lead to a connection that you should never have with someone outside your relationship.

So Quiana, how in the world are you justfying your 5 crushes, you ask, right? I also think ironically, that crushes can be used for good – if done in the right way. Well, the first argument is the weaker of the two but Ill start with that one first. Notice the people, I mentioned are celebrities, un-attianable folk who I will most likely never meet or have any realtionship with –eva! . Now of course, that argument is one that’s kinda lame and somebody can of course poke holes in it. But I thought I’d use it- because it is a valid one ! Lol. But really, I tell you this seriously, I realized that the things that I find attractive in those celebrities, are things I also find HUGELY attractive in my hubby. I can appreciate Neyo’s musical gift, because my husband is a musician. I can respect Dhani’s curiousity of the world – because my husband and I are both lovers of travel and of culture outside of the US. My husband often makes me feel feel like I did when I saw Micheal Jackson on tv as child- all blushy and I often say to myself” I really like this guy” (lol) and so on!

In other words, I thankfully know enough to understand the differnce between surface & substance : a crush which is a fleeting emotion, and love which includes emotion but is ALWAYS an action! I find single traits of these people attractive, but I find the ENTIRE spirit/being/package including those attributes and more – are embodied in my husband! He is the ONLY one who I TRULY love, desire and respect.

So if maybe we could look at crushes from a slightly different perspective: maybe these "crushes" could ingnite some change for the create better, making happier and more successful marriages . Could you imagine how many marriages would improve if, people would actually want to know what your spouse finds attractive (physical and otherwise) and begin to want to meet those needs and desires of each other! I believe that state of mind, pleases God when it comes to marriage. So maybe “crushes” aren’t inherently evil ? What do you think?

Marriage Monday Quote of the week!

Marriage halves our griefs, doubles our joys, and quadruples our expenses. ~English Proverb

Marriage saved me...

Now here is some MARITAL SUBSTANCE for the soul! On March 29th,
Essence bloggers (and the creators of BlackandMarriedWithKids.com) Lamar & Ronnie Tyler will be releasing their documentary "You Saved Me" in over 25 cities. The documentary will tell the story of REAL HAPPILY MARRIED African-American couples- can we say whooo hoooo!!

Now here is the best part: The wonderful folks over @ African-American Brides.com are giving away two copies of their new movie to TWO of the readers of their blog. Click http://blog.african-americanbrides.com/ for more info. Just leave a comment to be entered in the giveaway. Also for my Chicago peeps you can view the movie this Friday @ 8:30PM!

Big City Swing (Dance Studio)
1012 W. Randolph Street
Chicago, Ill
Contact: 312-719-6632

And they still together...85 years later!

Who said love doesn't last? Herbert and Zelmyra Fisher of New Bern, N.C., hold the world record for life in wedded bliss: 85 years. He's 104, and she's 101 young.

On their May 13 anniversary, they will join an elite club: the longest marriages on record. If this couple isn't a testimony to love, commitment and God's blessings- I don't know what is!

For those of us amateurs in wedded bliss, (the pros would be Mr & Mrs.Fisher!) don't worry we still have PLENTY of time to practice!

Funny Marriage Quote of the Week

“They say love is blind...and marriage is an institution. Well, I'm not ready for an institution for the blind just yet.” -Mae West

Marriage Quote of The Week

In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.

-Robert Anderson

The Way Love Should Be!

If you know anything about Christina Aguilera - you know that girl has some pipes on her! I recently heard this song, and had to find out what album this appeared on. Well, turns out it appeared on the Stripped album - but it was overshadowed by the more popish mega hit "Beautiful". I don't think its a concidence that she got married not much longer after this song dropped- must have something to do with Mr. Jordan Bratman aka the Hubby! lol. Either way, I think this song was beautifully written about how love should be. Hope you enjoy!

10 ways to Show your man some love!

A friend of mine, John Williams, radio host of The Creative Soul station http://www.blogtalkradio.com/creativesoul recently aired a segment about the top 10 ways to seduce a man.

It got me thinking about relationships and how often people really "show" how much they love each other. How do we get beyond the words and onto the action? So here's my top 10 ways you can show your man some love today, for free! Don't fret ladies, my list for the fellas is coming soon :-)

Pray for him right now. You should be praying for him every single day. Of course we could stop here, but i believe that faith without works is dead. God was good and granted you a mate for life and expects you to love him the way, he loves you: unconditionally! And that's where the work begins. Humans are full of flaws and we frequently disappoint each other and ourselves. So when you get married, its so vital that you pray for him, asking God to continue to lead his steps in the ways of righteousness - and then you can follow him. So here's how w'ell start. Look up the word "Verb" and remember that LOVE is a verb. Its something you should do everyday!

Dress up in a nice outfit just to greet him at the door when he comes home. We all know men are visual creatures, but as a relationship matures- sometimes we can get lazy. Nobody wants to see you in a t-shirt & sweatpants ALL the time when your at home. So take the time to get all glammed up, I mean diva ready -on your way to the club looking flawless and try greeting him at the door with your best assest - A HUGE SMILE!!! I guarantee he'll love it.

Keep in mind, that the only thing you can control is YOU. Don't intervene in the way he does things. Let him have his own style. How often have you asked him to do xyz, and he does it and then you go right back behind him and re-do , just because it wasn't "right" aka the way YOU would do it . I'm not sure why women do this - but somehow when we get married we go into this "momma" thing- where we start monitoring our husbands actions. Take the word NEED out of your vocabulary when speaking to your husband. Ex. You need to take our garbage, you need to do this or that. That's not cool - and it will certainly push him away from you. Remember your not his mom, your his partner.

Work hard at making your home a place of rest for him. This may seem a no- brainer, but many women thinks this only has to do with keeping the house clean. Certainly that's a BIG part of it, a clean house does wonder for your mental state of being because your not looking at tons of clutter and mess. But part of making a home a place of rest goes beyond just the physical. Make your husband glad that he came home to you today. Have you ever seen movies where the husband, hits the bar up before he comes home ("he needs a minute")- that's NOT a good thing. That means hes starting to associate his house with drama. Being a place a rest means your house is PEACEFUL, DRAMA-FREE and its full of LOVE. Its his own Kingdom where he finds rest. His favorite place in the world should be at home.

Do something romantic/sweet for him for a change. Often times, the pressure is on the guy to create all this fantasy, rose petals, candles and chocolates to whoo the ladies- but have you ever taking the time to do something romantic for him? Men like romance too- in fact some are more romantic than women. But the best thing is that many men don't always need the extra fantasy that some women require. So for instance - try making him breakfast before he goes into work on Monday or have a picnic on your family room floor on Friday! . Take him on a weekend getaway. Try purchasing a electric foot bath that he can enjoy. Or give him a nice back or hand rub- complete with massage oil, and a nice home cooked meal & his favorite dessert. A little effort, can go a long way

And then later, do something sexy- Without getting to X-rated lol, try something new in the bedroom. I'm still shocked when I hear women who was the biggest freaks before they got married and then someone "puts a ring on it" and they turn into Mary Poppins overnight. Do you not understand, you have married each other for LIFE? That means you'll have to work at keeping the relationship fresh & spicy. Your man wants to know he has the best of both worlds: the housewife & the "fill in the blank". lol Find out what he finds to be really sexy on a woman- and do your version of that request. Get some new lingerie yourself or ask him to come with you and have him pick out something for you. Be willing to try a new position, new technique and not be all extra girlie about it- ("OMG!- you want what?) the key is being open. And believe me he'll be more than happy to show you :-)

Think about the relationships that you have--which ones positively influence your marriage and which ones don't? Pray about this, and then make some changes. - One of the worst cancers in marriage, is listening to other folks opinion about what your marriage should/shouldn't be. Your husband & you alone should create the type of marriage that suites you both. Just because, Auntie Jody & Uncle Rex, did xyz, had all there children by 30 years old- doesn't mean you should rush to have kids with your mate just because "it's what you supposed to do". Sure, you can heed advice from friends & family & even model some of your marriage on principles learned from other folks, but ultimately you two will create the legacy of your love. So yes ladies, if you have a couple of "friends/family" who constantly promotes negativity towards you & the man- either keep 'em far, far way from you or drop 'em for good. Once last bit of advice, STOP comparing your marriage to others that you see- your situation is unique to you both and it can't be compared. Just because that couple looks like they have it all together, best to believe they have their own unique set of problems as well.

Let him hear you - This is an area, that I think many women haven't been told of it's importance. The tongue has the power of life and death, and maybe you haven't been using it wisely. Ladies, stop being a vessel of complaints & criticism! If more than half your conversation is centered around a complaint or a criticism about your man or something else, you need to change you vocabulary to include more words of love. Call him at work today just to tell him you love him. Do not complain about your day, just tell him you love him and focus on him. Request his opinion about something you might not usually request his opinion about. Thank him for his opinion and do not criticize it at all. Before talking about anything else tonight, ask him how his day went and LISTEN intently. Be the JOY in your husband's life today. Make him smile & laugh, give him an encouraging word, and give him a hug.

Make sure you schedule quality together time as well as solo time- Spending quality time together and should always be a top priority. Spending time on the couch watching tv should not be the only way you spend time together. Find a hobby or activity that you both enjoy and actually spend time doing that thing. Take salsa lessons together, play a game or walk together and hold hands. Also spend some time alone focusing on yourselves. Don't trip when he wants to spend times with his friends, or he wants to watch sports in the other room- this is things he likes to do for himself. You should have things that you like to do solo as well, go to the spa, catch up with the girls, or just chill out at home- its important to spend time apart so that you can recharge your mind, body & spirit.

Thank him! Yep I said. Tell him Thank you. I'm convinced that GOOD MEN don't hear it often enough! But we see & hear all the negative stuff about how "he don't do this", "all of them are dogs" etc. Take the time to tell your good man- you love him, you appreciate him and you thank him for choosing you as mate. Thank him for doing a simple task today. Thank him for going to work today and providing for you & the family. Think of one of your flaws today (not one of his!) and thank him for always putting up with it. Then, do your best to work on making it better.

Do you have any ideas to add to the list? I 'd love to hear from you?

And The Point of it All (Is I Love you)‏

Today my husband reminded me of why I fell for him all over AGAIN!! LOL. He sent me this music link with a gorgeous song by Anthony Hamiliton. I can see many couples, using this in 2010 for their first dance. Enjoy!

Quote of the week... be blessed!

"In marriage we marry a mystery, an other, a counterpart. In a sense the person we marry is a stranger about whom we have a magnificent hunch. The person we choose to marry is someone we love, but his depths, her intimate intricacies - we will come to know only in the long unraveling of time. We know enough about our beloved to know that we love him, to imagine that, as time goes on, we will come to enjoy her even more, become even more of ourselves in her presence. To our knowledge we add our willingness to embark on the journey of getting to know him, of coming to see her, even so wonderfully more. Swept up by attraction, attention, fantasy, hope, and a certain happy measure of recognition, we agree to come together for the mysterious future, to see where the journey will take us. This companionship on life’s journey is the hallmark of marriage, its natural province, its sweetest and most primal gift.In promising always, we promise each other time. We promise to exercise our love, to stretch it large enough to embrace the unforeseen realities of the future. We promise to learn to love beyond the level of our instincts and inclinations, to love in foul weather as well as good, In hard times as well as when we are exhilarated by the pleasures of romance.We change because of these promises. We shape ourselves according to them; we live in their midst and live differently because of them. We feel protected because of them. We try some things and resist trying others because, having promised, we feel secure. Marriage, the bond, makes us free to see, to be, to love. Our souls are protected; our hearts have come home."

Daphne Rose Kingma

Marriage Quote of The Week

"Love is wonderful, but beyond that, we have a purpose."
- Actor, Will Smith

What's your marital purpose? Got ya thinking on this one huh ? lol.

Here I Stand!

Hey there! So today begins my countdown to my second year anniversary with my man- Mr B! Our anniversary is actually next Wednesday but I've been inspired to do a blog posting everyday until then- can you tell im excited!

So to start the countdown, here's one of the best songs of the year, a song that made me really appreciate Ushers talent and his maturity: from a boy to man. One idea for couples looking for "the perfect processional song" - would this be a great as both the bride and groom make their grand entrance? ;-) Just an idea. Enjoy!

NOT another marriage movie... FIREPROOF

A few weeks ago, my husband and I were watching tv together and a commercial aired for a movie starring none other than the 80s heartthrob Kirk Cameron (yes Mike Seaver from the sitcom "Growing Pains"). Now I have to admit, I literally said " what in the world" - i couldnt believe i was seeing mike seaver as a grown man ( who has aged all that much lol), in a movie about marriage. Get outta here! I was like ok, now that Hollywood has seen the success of movies like Not Easily Broken & Why Did I Get Married?, they've decided to make their version to appeal to a larger audience. I was a bit bothered, but my husband and I laughed it off and changed the channel.

A couple of weeks later, my sweetheart saw a trailer for the movie in the Christian bookstore we go to. He was sweet enough to come home with a gift and a copy of the movie. We made a date night out of it and amazingly we were surprised by its content. Although the acting was kinda sappy with some characters ( Kirk was the obvious best actor) but the message was powerful indeed.

We were really touched by its honesty, and ended up talking about the movie in great length afterwards. That conversation eventually led to the purchase of the book. :-) So I highly encourage all married folks and even engaged peeps to checkout this movie & book. I'll be checking in from time to time to share with you the gems of the content.

Did anyone else purchase the book and/or movie? What did you think?

Why Long Term Partners Split After Getting Hitched

I dont usually repost other blog content but I absoultely had to once i read this post I had to!

Ariel from Offbeatbride.com made a very keen observation: often times, longtime partners who are together for years decide to get married, and then almost immediately decide to get divorced. And the million dollar question is why?:
Her theory, in her own words…

For better or for worse, each of us has expectations about what being married will mean to the relationship. For some people, that expectation might be, "Absolutely nothing will change, other than that we'll be wearing rings and will have had a big party." For other people, the expectation might be, "Everything will change. Our whole relationship will be on a different level, and how we interact with the world will be radically shifted!"

Neither of these assumptions is in any way wrong. The problem, however, is when the two people getting married don't talk about their expectations. One partner goes in thinking, say, "This is going to be awesome: once we're married, the sex is going to get way kinkier because the trust is going to be so much stronger between us!" The other partner goes in thinking, "This is awesome: I'm never going to have to travel alone again. We'll go places together!"

The issues arise when they don't talk these things over, and then go home after the wedding and the one partner is thinking, "Wow, the honeymoon was dull. Where's my kinky sex?" And the other partner is thinking, "Wait, did they just say they don't want to go to San Francisco with me next weekend? I thought we were doing everything together now!"

…See the problem?

Obviously, if it were all this simple, the solution would be easy: talk to your partner about your expectations for marriage! And that's a great first step.

But duh: half the time, a lot of us aren't even conscious of what our expectations are. This is hard stuff to quantify and articulate. "Um, when we're married, I want you to stick up for me when your friends make fun of what a geek I am…not like, all the time, but at least most of the time. And I don't want to be the only one to take out the garbage. And I want you to plan at least one special night for us a week. Well, ok, maybe one a month?" It's hard to put your finger on what marriage means to you.

Chances are decent that your own values about marriage are either a reflection of OR reaction against what you grew up with.Not to get all Freudian on you, but this is where talking about your parents' marriages/relationships can come in handy. After all, these are the relationships that you grew up around, and chances are decent that your own values about marriage are either a reflection of OR reaction against what you grew up with. Talking about other people's marriages can help you better get your brain around your own values.

Is being married all about spending all your time together? Is it about supporting each other in your separate endeavors without insecurity? Is it about more kinky sex or more gentle couch snuggles after work? Is it about building a home together or is it about traveling the world together? Is it about feeling so confident in your commitment that you feel ok about going to grad school on opposite coasts?

In marriage as in wedding planning, you can't doze off at the wheel, or you wake up and realize you're living someone else's life.

For offbeat couples, I think the most common troublesome expectations are issues of "normative" roles. These could be assumptions about gender roles ("Now she'll cook, and I'll work overtime!") or home/family planning ("Now we'll get a little house and he'll get me pregnant!"). All too often, these aren't even expectations we're aware of … wildly progressive het couples fall into the long-established husband/wife roles without even realizing what they're doing. In marriage as in wedding planning, you can't doze off at the wheel, or you may wake up and realize you're living someone else's life.

I have no idea what marriage means to you and your partner, but when I see couples who've spent years living happily together as partners suddenly fall apart as spouses, I usually figure they had very different expectations about what marriage would mean to their relationship. And either they didn't talk about it, or they couldn't articulate what the differences were.

Moral of the story? Talk lots. If you discover lots of differences, consider pre-marital counseling. Do your best to understand both your own values and your partner's values.

Ideally, they'll just magically overlap.

Realistically? HA! There are compromises to be made.

I couldnt agree with her more! What do you think?

The wedding rings explained

Have you ever wondered why the wedding ring is worn on the left hand and the fourth finger? I never thought about until I was talking with a lady from Colombia who wears her wedding band on her right hand. I learned that many countries in fact wear their rings on the right hand: Colombia, Germany, Greece, Mexico, Norway, Peru, Poland, Russia, Spain, Ukraine, Venezuela and Serbia- all righties!

So I of course thought this was fascinating and i did a little research myself and found that one of the explanations to why the ring goes on this finger is because it was considered to be the finger containing the vena amoris or "vein of love".

I then came across this funny explanation ( which may be true or not) but i like it even better!




Thumb represents your Parents

Second (Index) finger represents your Siblings

Middle finger represents your-Self

Fourth (Ring) finger represents your Life Partner
Last (Little) finger represents your Children

Firstly, open your palms (face to face), bend the middle fingers
And hold them together - back to back

Secondly, open and hold the remaining three fingers and the
Thumb - tip to tip


Keep them firmly in place
Now, try to separate your thumbs (representing the parents)...,
They will open, because your parents are not destined to live with
You lifelong, and have to leave you sooner or later.

Please join your thumbs as before and separate your Index fingers
(representing siblings)...., they will also open, because your brothers
And sisters will have their own families and will have to lead their
Own separate lives.


Now rejoin the Index fingers and separate your Little fingers (they
Represent your children)...., they will open too, because the children
Also will get married and settle down on their own some day.


Finally, rejoin your Little fingers, and try to separate your Ring
Fingers (representing your spouse).

You will be surprised to see that you just CANNOT..., that's because
Husband & Wife have to remain together all their lives - through
Thick and thin!!